Modern couples therapy employs a few highly studied methods. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), theGottman Method, and Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT) lead the list. The main difference with them is that each one has been validated by controlled research. And each one is oriented towards the root of the problem on the couple level, which is, from the partners’ connection, through their way of communication, to their way of handling the differences (i.e. the parts of the issue the couple can agree on and resolve). In reality, each evidence-based therapy is actually quite straightforward – they have been evaluated in the frame of authentic (real, measurable) outcomes, while only theoretically they were developed.
One thing you should know is that couples therapy was not always that efficient. There’s still a lot of relationship help based mostly on intuition and a one-size-fits-all advice approach. But, these methods we have listed have been researched so extensively that it actually turned out that most of the couples that underwent therapy with these methods experienced considerable improvement. Besides, the research on the main methods reveals that most of the couples that have participated in these therapies are going from a disturbed and unhappy state in the relationship to a state where they are noticing positive changes; a portion of them actually retain those improvements for several years, which is proof of the durability of the methods.
Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Power of Attachment
EFT stands for Emotionally Focused Therapy. It’s based on the same principles as attachment research, the science that describes how people, mainly parents and children, get attached emotionally. It is applied now to the relationships between adult partners. The main thought is that the conflicts that keep coming back between the two lovers are actually not the real problem. They are just expressions of hidden fears and feelings. The fear that you might be unlovable and the couple may part ways, the fear of not being close enough, etc. You are basically trying to feel closer again by the fighting, which has gone completely out of hand. EFT gives a way for the couples to recognize the negative cycle they are getting stuck in and learn to reconnect by actually understanding how to reach and be reached by each other.
The therapist guides the couple through the three key stages of the method. Initially, s/he helps the couple realize what has been repeating itself in their behavior, i.e. one person has been acting angry or hurt and pushing the other while the other has been pulling away. After identifying the behavioral pattern, the couple is taken to the next level, which consists of revealing what was behind the angry feelings: the feelings of hurt and fear that they normally keep suppressed. Last of the stages, couples learn to be more authentic in communicating their needs directly and they start satisfying each other’s needs without the fights, which naturally strengthens their bond and makes the relationship stable again.
The Gottman Method and the Science of What Works
Based on many years of closely studying couples in a research environment, watching thousands of interactions to identify what sets apart the relationships that last from those that fall apart, the Gottman Method was developed. Through this, it came about that a useful, structured model was made and four main communication patterns – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling – were discovered to be the most predictive of the end of a relationship. In particular, contempt expressing the sense of superiority over the partner- revealed itself as the strongest single warning indicator.
The Gottman technique, when put into practice, usually begins, after a thorough assessment (with questionnaires, and a full relationship history), with a tailored plan. The activities revolve around specific skills: transforming criticism into a softer expression of grievances, learning how to make amends for a quarrel, intensifying friendship and shared meaning, the elements of the model, and managing unresolved conflicts. This is a key issue in this line of research says that majority of relationship conflicts are permanent, personality- or values-based and so dialogue should be the main aim instead of a solution.
Behavioral and Cognitive Approaches to Lasting Change
In integrative behavioral couples therapy, a key thing is incorporated that other forms of therapy either leave aside or treat differently: acceptance. IBCT is aware that, in reality, some differences between a couple can really be expected to change over time. The pain caused by the struggle against such a fixed point of reality rather than the problem itself becomes, in fact, rather a big portion of the emotional baggage. Couples therapy goes twofold at a time; one part is working with couples on the making of behavioral/ behavioral change, behavioral improvement, etc. The other is building an actual (and not mere) accepting attitude and empathizing with the differences which obviously remain.
That is the part of the therapy involving acceptance that differentiates the older ones from IBCT. Those were mainly about behavioral modification through negotiation and commitments. But it was only soon that these therapies worked successfully due to personality traits being a part of what one cannot really, or at least not completely, adjust through negotiation. When, through research, both approaches are compared, it turns out that inclusion of acceptance yields the lasting effect and that quite a number of couples remain really improved two years later.
Cognitive behavioral couples therapy rounds out this family of approaches by targeting the thoughts and interpretations that fuel conflict. Often the problem isn’t what your partner did but the story you told yourself about why they did it, and CBT helps couples catch and test those automatic interpretations. If you want to understand how these methods play out in real sessions, the practitioners offering couples therapy in Brooklyn typically draw on several of them at once, matching the method to the specific pattern a couple brings in rather than forcing every relationship through a single framework.
What to Expect From the Process and Its Results
Most scientifically backed couples’ therapy takes a familiar shape. Generally, you are expected to go through an initial assessment phase, usually the first one to three sessions, where the therapist gathers your story and identifies the major patterns so the real work can begin. Therapy is generally weekly or every two weeks at fifty to ninety minutes long, while the entire course of treatment will typically last somewhere from eight to twenty-five sessions and that is quite a spread given the nature of the problem and the method. Longer wounds such as trust rebuilding after an affair stay at the farther end. Prices differ given the location, type of practice, and the professional’s credentials. On average, in the US, a single therapy session costs between one hundred and two hundred and fifty dollars (100-250USD). It should also be understood that the availability of insurance coverage for couples counseling is much less predictable than when it comes to individual therapy, but plenty of clinics can accommodate a sliding scale or offer online sessions which are cheaper.
Clients may also think it is very worthwhile to ask which evidence-based method the therapist specializes. That is not every person who advertises couples work is trained in that method (EFT Gottman or, IBCT) and specific training in one of these could be a good indicator of the therapist’s standard and So worth checking directly. The level of training is a good way for clients to find out if they are getting a truly evidence-based method of therapy, since it’s one thing for a therapist to say he or she deals with couples and quite another matter for the therapist to know all the details and be able to apply it.
