13. Patterns of behaviour of Fire Constitutional Factors
Chapter contents
Introduction96
Patterns of behaviour of a Fire CF96
The main issues for a Fire CF97
Responses to the issues97
Introduction
This chapter describes some of the most important behavioural characteristics that are typical of a Fire CF. Some aspects of a person’s behaviour can be observed in the treatment room. Others can only be discerned from patients’ descriptions of themselves and their life. As stated in the previous chapters, behaviour can be an indicator of a patient’s diagnosis but it can only be used to confirm the CF. It should always be used in conjunction with colour, sound, emotion and odour, which are the four primary methods of CF diagnosis. Once the CF is confirmed the patterns of behaviour may, however, support the practitioner’s diagnosis.
The origin of the behaviours was described in Chapter 7. The imbalance of the Element of the CF creates instability or impairment of the associated emotion. Thus specific emotional experiences are more likely to occur to one CF as opposed to another. The behavioural traits described in this chapter are often the responses to these negative experiences. In the case of Fire the person experiences more frequent feelings of being unloved and she or he is responding to this.
Patterns of behaviour of a Fire CF
The balanced Element
People with a healthy Fire Element are able to give and receive love with appropriate degrees of emotional closeness. This enables them to cope with a wide range of differing relationships and to appreciate how and when to open up or close down to other people.
The variability and range of closeness in people’s relationships is enormous. Some relationships are usually extremely close, for example a spouse or ‘life partner’, in which case there is usually physical, emotional and spiritual closeness. Others are friendships which can be either with people of the same or a different sex, but which involve no physical intimacy. Some relationships are ones we don’t consciously choose, although they may be close. For instance, people become close to relatives because they are ‘family’ or to colleagues because they see them on a daily basis. Other relationships will be more distant and formal, such as with a doctor, shopkeeper or builder.
A healthy Fire Element enables people to know how and when it is appropriate to open up or shut down to people. It also helps them to decide how much to open up to others. This ability partly arises from experience, but if people have a well balanced Fire Element they cope with this aspect of life.
Formative events for a Fire CF
Because it is likely that people are born with their CF, many of their experiences, especially emotional ones, are coloured by it. If they are born with their Fire out of balance, then their ability to give and receive warmth becomes impaired. This can lead to many Fire CFs experiencing being rejected, abandoned or unloved at an early age. In comparison, people who have more balanced Fire Elements are less likely to have this experience.
Many Fire CFs feel this rejection strongly and a vicious circle develops. Children who easily feel hurt or rejected can over-compensate and protect themselves by keeping their heart closed off from other people. They may then find it difficult to take in warmth and respond to intimacy. As a result they start to feel that others do not like them or that they are unloveable. The more this occurs, the more their Fire Element becomes out of balance. This results in them becoming more and more desperate for love and attention to compensate for their feelings of not being loved.
When the Heart or Heart-Protector is imbalanced the Fire CF may not know when to open up or shut down to others. When these Organs are stuck open, the smallest offence, for example, being let down, ignored momentarily or mistakenly left out, causes hurt and pain. When these Organs are kept closed, intimacy is not achievable and the Fire CF will be unable to get close to others. Sometimes the Fire CF may swing between these two extremes and alternate between being too open and too closed. Fire CFs often feel very changeable, swinging from happiness to misery and back again.
A Fire CF told her practitioner that she was the third child and her mother had only wanted two children. She had always known that she was unwanted and had often felt rejected by her brother and sister as well as by her mother. When young she would often cry because her brother made fun of her. But she felt that her mother would always stick up for her brother and tell her off. She responded by learning to hide her feelings of unhappiness and pretend to feel happy all of the time. She succeeded so well that people often made remarks about what a happy child she was. After having acupuncture treatment she began to feel better about herself. ‘I think I was ashamed for much of my life because I thought I was not a very loveable person.’
The main issues for a Fire CF
For the Fire CF certain needs are not fully met. This situation creates issues that centre on these areas:
• love and warmth
• emotional volatility
• closeness and intimacy
• happiness
• clarity and confusion
The extent to which someone is affected in these areas varies according to the person’s physical, mental and spiritual health. Relatively healthy Fire CFs will have less disturbance with these aspects of life, whilst those with greater problems end up with their personalities being strongly influenced by this imbalance. Because of these issues they may consciously or unconsciously ask themselves various questions such as:
• Am I loveable?
• Why do I go up and down so much?
• How can I truly relate to others?
• How can I find true happiness?
• Why can’t I sort things out?
Responses to the issues
So far we have described how a weakness in the Fire Element leads to a lesser capacity to give and receive love and to cope with a wide range of different relationships. The issues that subsequently arise lead to a spectrum of ways that people typically respond to the world. These responses are common, but not exclusive to Fire CFs. If other CFs have seemingly similar patterns of behaviour it may indicate that there is a different set of motivations underlying the behaviour or that the person’s Fire Element is imbalanced but is not the CF. Noticing these responses is therefore useful but does not replace colour, sound, emotion and odour as the principal way of diagnosing the Constitutional Factor.
The behavioural patterns are along a spectrum and can go between these extremes:
| 1compulsively cheerful | ––––––––– | miserable |
| 2open and overly sociable | ––––––––– | closed and isolated |
| 3clowning | ––––––––– | earnest |
| 4vulnerable | ––––––––– | over-protected |
| 5volatile | ––––––––– | flat |
Compulsively cheerful – miserable
Fire CFs often swing between the two extremes of being joyful and sad. Many of them, however, only show the happier side of their personality to the world. Their sadness is often kept more private. Other people might describe them as having a sunny disposition, a cheerful nature or being a friendly person or a ‘nice guy’.
A 56-year-old nurse who was a Fire CF worked in a care home for the elderly for over 30 years. Her nature was so bright that her boss nicknamed her ‘Susie sunshine’. She told her practitioner, ‘One of the patients says whenever I walk into the room it’s like a breath of fresh air and the sun’s shining. I have a laugh with people if I can and I try to get them to look on the bright side.’ Underneath her bright exterior, life had not always seemed as good for her. She was very tired when she first came for acupuncture treatment and often felt fed up and miserable but she rarely showed this side of herself.
When some Fire CFs are feeling joyful, they can have such enthusiasm that they fill everyone they meet with warmth and excitement. Their ability to ‘sparkle’ can be infectious and on a good day they can ‘light the fire’ of those around them. For example, a teacher who feels ‘fired up’ may bring a usually uninteresting subject to life and infect the students with this enthusiasm and passion. Other Fire CFs, like the patient described above, may have the ability to cheer others up when they are feeling a bit down. People naturally gravitate towards the cheerful Fire CF’s warmth and friendliness.
Compulsive cheerfulness
The habit of cheering others up can become compulsive, however, and the Fire CF may feel compelled to try to cheer others up. Fun can become the be-all and end-all. They often find it difficult to believe that anyone would rather be in any state other than a jolly one. The person they are ‘cheering up’ may prefer to stay with their feelings and in this case the Fire CF’s attitude of ‘looking on the bright side’ can be annoying rather than pleasing. If pushed away the Fire CF may end up feeling rejected.
Being happy is an important issue for many Fire CFs. Deep down they think that if they can make other people happy it will result in them being happy and contented too. If they are in a bad atmosphere, for example, if they think a person doesn’t like them, they may find it difficult to function well and may be unable to think clearly or to work.
Although they have this ability to be happy, many Fire CFs know that their joy does not run deep. When a Fire CF is asked ‘when did you last feel truly joyful?’ they will often find it hard to think of any time at all. They may have been ‘happy’, ‘playful’, ‘enthusiastic’ or ‘optimistic’, but real joy, joy that comes from an open and peaceful Heart, eludes them.
A Fire CF told her practitioner that she had difficulty finding joy in her life, ‘but that doesn’t mean I’m walking around feeling miserable all the time’. She also said that she liked to feel jolly and happy but underneath this she felt lonely. The loneliness was not because she was on her own, in fact the more people who were around the more isolated she would sometimes feel. ‘Sometimes I put the barriers up and I don’t want to let anyone in.’
At the extreme, Fire CFs can become too stimulated and over joyful. In this case they may seem to be on a ‘high’ for a period of time. When they are feeling ‘up’ they may be always on the go and constantly talking and laughing. In small amounts this can be stimulating but in larger doses it can become too much for others to be around. People who are ‘up’ in this way tend to be insensitive to other people’s difficulties or needs. One Fire CF described that she would go up ‘like being on a cloud’ and would float along feeling high, always knowing she might fall off. She did not mind this, however, because it was so good to be on top of the cloud, even if it was only for a while.
The Huainanzi, Chapter 1, describes how joy and sadness follow each other:
The great drum and bells are set up, the orchestra of flutists [sic] and lutinists [sic] are in position, the cushions and ivory-poled canopies are arranged and seductive courtesans take their places. Out come the wine flasks as goblets are passed round over the course of feasting which joins day to night. Soaring birds are downed with bow and arrow; hunting dogs flush hare and fox. This is called pleasure. Certainly excitement and violent agitation stir up our hearts and work their seductions upon us. But no sooner have the wagons been unhitched and the horses turned out to rest, the flasks emptied and the music ended, when suddenly the heart contracts as if in mourning. We feel the bereavement of great loss.
How is that possible? Because instead of bringing joy from inside to outside, we have tried to bring rejoicing from outside to inside. The music rings out and we are full of joy, but when the tune ends we are distressed.
Sadness and joy follow each other and give birth to each other. The vital spirit moves in a disorderly way, without knowing a moment’s respite.
(quoted in Larre et al., 1986, p. 96)
Miserable
The desire to show a happy face can be deeply ingrained in a Fire CF’s psyche. When they are sad they are likely to hide their feelings and pretend that they are feeling happy by showing a bright smile to the world. Deep inside they may be hiding a lack of self-confidence and suspect that they won’t be liked or loved if they show their real feelings. In this case it is only when Fire CFs feels very ‘safe’ that they can show their sadness. This may not always make it easy for their partners.
A Fire CF commented to her practitioner that her husband sometimes got upset because when she was with him she was ‘as miserable as sin’. Later when she went out to see somebody she suddenly became the life and soul of the party. ‘We can have a good time together, but he doesn’t understand that he is one of the few people I feel safe to show my sad side to as well.’
Because they have a self-image of being a ‘happy person’, many Fire CFs cut themselves off from their sadness. It sits inside them. In time their misery builds up. It then only takes a small incident or an upsetting remark for all the unhappiness that has previously been hidden to come to the surface. It may come out in one giant wave and Fire CFs may need to cry in order to let out their sad feelings. The person who appears to have induced the sadness with a trivial remark may be left feeling bewildered and may not understand why the person has had such a strong reaction. When Fire CFs experience and release their sadness this may allow them to reconnect to their inner happiness.
Like their enthusiasm, a Fire CF’s sadness can be catching too. They can drag others down with their gloom and misery.
Self-obsession
Fire CFs can become so low that they become rather self-obsessed. Their Heart, the Supreme Controller, can be so disturbed that they can only think, feel and talk about themselves. The most inconsequential remarks can be blown up to become a serious slight. When not talking about themselves they may cry in desolation and despair. If this happens Fire CFs can find it impossible to laugh or even begin to be able to raise a smile on their faces. It is as if the facial muscles just won’t move upwards. If they ever felt happy it is a vague and distant memory.
When a Fire CF is feeling so low, others who have previously enjoyed their warmth may try hard to support them, but may find the Fire CF pushing them away. Although Fire CFs want reassurance that they are loveable, this is often the time when they can least take it in. Once they’ve rejected all those around them and no one makes contact anymore they have proved to themselves that no one loves them.
Open and overly sociable – closed and isolated
Most Fire CFs put a high value on personal connections and relationships. At the same time connections and relationships can seem threatening. If the Heart-Protector does not open and close appropriately, the Fire CF can be wide open to others. This may cause them to crave intimacy and relationships to such a degree that they miss out on some important ‘stages’ of making contact.
The stages of relating
In order to have intimate sexual relationships people go through many of these ‘stages’ and will often proceed carefully. First they might feel attracted to a person. Next they might make contact and get to know the person better. If things go well they may go on to have a relationship and later the relationship may become more committed. It is usually when they share more intimacy that they also may go on to develop a sexual relationship.
The Fire CF may miss out on some of the middle stages of relating and jump right into an intimate relationship. This is sometimes referred to as ‘unearned intimacy’. In the desire for closeness they may not have stopped to consider all of the implications of having a close connection with the person in question. The result may be relationships that start with great passion, but later fail.
Overly open
Some Fire CFs, however, may want to be open with everybody and think that everyone they meet is their best or intimate friend. At best this can be charming, but it can seem inappropriate to those at the receiving end. For example, earlier in the chapter it was mentioned that it is normal to have more formal relationships with some people than others. Most people will have a formal relationship with their bank manager. A Fire CF may feel hurt and rejected when turned down for a loan even though the bank manager’s decision is not personal but is based on objective criteria.
A practitioner, who was not a Fire CF, talked about her experiences when treating Fire CFs. She said she found that they often opened up too much and revealed everything about themselves too soon. ‘I find that they can sometimes tell me too much. Everything about them comes out before I even know them. I end up feeling like I have to put them back together again because they’ve been too open and have lost all sense of their boundaries.’
Because of a compulsion to be liked, some Fire CFs try to please everyone and are even friendly to the people that they don’t particularly like. As one Fire CF said, ‘Even if I don’t like someone I still value their opinion of me so I do my best to be nice to them and make them like me.’
A student talked about her partner who was a Fire CF. She said she found him confusing and amusing at times. He ran his own business and would often be doing things such as having a conversation about the finance of the company with the cleaner, ‘People think he can’t keep secrets but he’s just sorting out his own thoughts. He’s probably having an open conversation with himself!’
Because of their openness many Fire CFs can become skilled at quickly making contact with other people. For example, some can talk to strangers and make deep connections. Others just enjoy chatting to whoever they meet. The person holding the attention of everyone in the launderette, hairdressers or local store may well be a Fire CF. When they get home they may be sad and miserable, but while they were out they had an enjoyable time brightening up others’ lives.
Isolated and withdrawn
Some Fire CFs find it difficult to relate to those around them at all. Outwardly they may seem friendly but inwardly they are withdrawn and closed off. Not relating closely means that they don’t have to strain themselves whilst in other people’s company. They might wish they had an intimate relationship but the benefits of not having one are greater. If someone hurts them, they may find it difficult to deal with the pain so this will be a further reason to push people away.
Some Fire CFs like to be alone and find security and relaxation in their own company as they lack confidence around other people. As a result they may rarely socialise and have difficulties going out to social events such as dinners or parties. Because of their outward gaiety it is easy to assume that Fire CFs love to party. This is true for a few Fire CFs, especially when they know the people they are meeting. Meeting new people, however, makes many Fire CFs unsure of themselves. These Fire CFs find being outgoing and chatty a real strain and like to have a few drinks to give their Fire a temporary boost. Many Fire CFs prefer to have a few people around them that they know and trust. Trusted friends are less likely to hurt them. New acquaintances are an unknown quantity.
Some Fire CFs think they don’t need others around, at least until they are no longer with them. One Fire CF patient admitted that she loved being on her own, as long as people rang to check that she was OK. She would never ring them because she assumed that they would not want to hear from her.
Some Fire CFs swing between making good connections with others then breaking off contact. One Fire CF told her practitioner that she thought she had set herself up for a fall. She had recently moved to a place where she didn’t know anyone and although she felt it was not appropriate for anyone to look after her, she felt very hurt when the new neighbours didn’t come round and make contact. This was in spite of the fact that she never attempted to contact them. Consequently she was very lonely for a while.
Some Fire CFs withdraw into themselves and find it difficult to relate to people, especially ones they don’t know and trust. Others find that they feel better if they perform to an audience. This may be performing on a stage or taking centre stage in some other area of their life.
Clowning – earnest
Natural performers
The Heart governs ‘the radiance of the shen’. Many Fire CFs are natural performers. It is not surprising that many of British comedy’s most famous names – Benny Hill, Eric Morecambe, Frankie Howerd, Tony Hancock, Billy Connolly, Lenny Henry, Tommy Cooper, Kenneth Williams and Les Dawson, to name a few – were or are all probably Fire CFs. Making people laugh can make a Fire CF feel more loveable and give them a better sense of their worth. Some of these comedians, Tony Hancock, for example, made people laugh by showing the funny side of being depressed. Billy Connolly has also gained many laughs by joking about his appallingly abusive childhood. Others such as Tommy Cooper, Les Dawson and Eric Morecambe have made people laugh by playing the fool.
Many of these comedians are now dead and died of heart conditions. People have said that Tommy Cooper and Eric Morecambe died ‘in the way they would have most wanted to’. Both had heart attacks: Tommy Cooper on stage and Eric Morecambe in the wings of a theatre. Some died in sadness. Benny Hill was said to have died of a ‘broken heart’. He died soon after being told that his TV contract would not be renewed. He was out of fashion and could no longer do the thing he loved the most.
Most Fire CFs are not famous, but many still love to entertain in their own environment. These people may perform by playing the fool in their place of work, by lecturing in a classroom, by making their friends laugh or by entertaining their children. It doesn’t matter as long as they have an audience. Many Fire CFs played the class clown when they were young or enjoyed making others laugh at their crazy antics. As one Fire CF said, ‘I was like an electric circuit. I was only switched on when there were other people around.’
A Fire CF related to his practitioner that he had had a difficult time when he was 9 years old. He had moved to a new school and couldn’t make friends. No one liked him, partly because he was intelligent and did well in his exams. When he started to get bullied he found an innovative way of dealing with the situation by playing the class fool. ‘Suddenly I was popular, but I didn’t do well in my school work any more. It wasn’t until I was in my teens that I realised that in order to be popular I had missed out on a large part of my education and I had a lot of catching up to do.’
It is hard for some practitioners to understand that ‘having a ball’ may be a good indicator of their patient’s constitutional imbalance. Having missed a diagnosis of Fire many students have commented that, ‘I thought that their Fire was really good’, not realising that if the patient is being extremely entertaining and making them laugh more than usual, this may be the clowning end of a Fire spectrum.
Being earnest and serious
At the other end of the spectrum some Fire CFs are extremely solemn and take themselves very seriously. When other people are in the presence of Fire CFs who are earnest they notice that there is very little laughter around. If others make a joke Fire CFs may not even perceive that anything has been said in jest or if they did they pretend they didn’t notice. A heavy atmosphere can be created that is hard to lift.
Vulnerable – over-protected
When a patient’s Fire Element is out of balance their ability to have ‘heart contact’ with another person can become strained. This may be particularly reflected in their relationships. This is especially true when the predominant Organ in distress is the Heart or Heart-Protector and may be less marked in people whose Small Intestine or Triple Burner is the primary Organ.
Exposed and unprotected
When a person ‘falls in love’ the mutual attraction and good feelings can create a feeling of well-being and happiness and a person can feel ‘high’. Fire CFs can be especially affected, but the usual opening and closing of the Heart and Heart-Protector can come under even more strain than usual. Sometimes Fire CFs can ‘love’ with such complete passion and abandon that they wish only to please their partner in everything they do and say. At first this may be fine, but later when the initial ‘honeymoon period’ has finished it creates problems.
The more Fire CFs try to please the more they can become dependent on their partner. Their sense of their own self diminishes. They then become increasingly vulnerable and may feel out of control. The likeable and cheerful person that the partner was first attracted to may have disappeared leaving a vulnerable ‘people pleaser’ who seems to have no identity at all.
Often in this situation the Fire CF is able to back off and regain a sense of themselves as separate from their partner. If both partners want the relationship to succeed, the Fire CF must then come back into the relationship with a renewed sense of independence.
Overly open
In certain situations, however, a downward spiral in the relationship may begin. The partner finds she or he is ‘walking on egg shells’ around the Fire CF, who demands never to be criticised or even momentarily ignored. Any negativity from the partner will cause the Fire CF to feel battered and ‘kicked’ emotionally. In effect this stops the partner from being true to him or herself and the relationship comes under threat. The Fire CF starts to walk around with what amounts to a ‘kick me’ label hanging around her or his neck and the resulting strain on both partners may cause the relationship to break down.
Fire CFs who are in reasonably good health in their spirit and are less vulnerable may be able to open up and close down appropriately. When the Heart and Heart-Protector are wide open a vicious circle of feeling kicked and being too open to protect themselves can make the Fire CF feel even more vulnerable.
Feeling easily hurt
The vulnerability described above doesn’t only happen in close relationships. It can also occur with anyone who is important to them, such as a friend, a boss or relations. It can especially happen when the Fire CF feels a strong need to please or be liked. For instance, Fire CFs may be so sensitive to other people that they take offence when others are only mildly teasing. One Fire CF described how as a child she would often get upset by her friends’ light-hearted antics. She burst into tears when they played tricks on her like making her an ‘apple pie’ bed. She thought that this was their way of showing that they no longer liked her. She subsequently had a history of breaking up and then making up in friendships. Many years later, after she’d had acupuncture treatment and felt less vulnerable, she realised that it was she who had had the problems, not them.
Earlier in the chapter it was said that Fire CFs can be vulnerable in some group situations. They may desire to be liked so much that if, for instance, they don’t immediately feel welcomed by a new group, they may retreat into a shell. Fire CFs may want to be involved but be shy of pushing themselves forward. As a result they may feel as if they have been invisible to the group and go home feeling devastated because they have been left out. Making new friends takes time and the desire of the Fire CF for immediate intimacy may make them impatient.
Over-protected
Fire CFs who have felt hurt or abandoned too often may react by keeping their hearts tightly closed off to other people. If this is the case they may find it difficult to have any form of close relationship. On the surface they may appear to be easy to relate to but as soon as a relationship appears to be going deeper the gates of the Heart-Protector immediately close down. The Fire CF may then end the relationship because it is too threatening or may withdraw and stop showing affection. An intimate relationship feels too risky for them. On the surface the Fire CF may seem invulnerable and to have no emotions. The ‘iron bars’ on the chest are keeping people out ensuring that the Fire CF is not hurt. But no love can reach them either.
A Fire CF told her practitioner that she had had a happy childhood. Her mother, however, always said that ‘she had never got to the bottom of me, as I always remained slightly aloof.’ The patient said that she could still be aloof and that her relationships had been difficult. ‘If I had a new relationship now I’d cope better but I’ve been told that I’m very closed and cold. I’m think I’m very scared of people getting too close to me. It takes a long time for me to trust them.’
Some Fire CFs prevent relationships from arising by hiding their attraction to others. At a party or social event if someone who looks interesting catches their eye they may immediately look away or feign a lack of interest. All eye contact is then cut off and the interested person thinks they have no appeal and goes away. It can seem too dangerous for the Fire CF to show that any attraction could be mutual. Fire CFs who don’t love themselves can’t imagine that another would find them likeable (or loveable) in return. The Fire CF might even think that anyone interested in them can’t be very special. A special person would look for someone else.
Volatile, passionate – flat
Fluctuating emotions
Many Fire CFs lack stability in their emotions and find that they are constantly going up and down. The change from feeling very high to very low may happen in a matter of only a few moments. They may become rather like Jekyll and Hyde and forget how they were before. When they feel down they feel as if they’ve always been miserable. When they feel up they forget that they were ever unhappy. For some Fire CFs the sudden switch from being joyful to being sad may happen for no obvious reason. For others, the changes in their emotions often relate directly to their relationships with other people. For example, they might wake up feeling miserable. They might then be boosted by someone who is nice to them or who gives them a compliment. Later in the day their mood may vary according to the warmth of the contact they have with others.
For some Fire CFs their emotions going up and down feel so overwhelming that they may struggle to find stability. Others, however, may prefer to have the excitement generated by the ups and downs.
Feeling flat
Some Fire CFs experience feeling flat and low for lengthy periods. This is more a state of monotony and dullness than the state of being actively sad and miserable as discussed earlier in this chapter. They may find it difficult to raise themselves up out of this gloom and life becomes uninteresting and grey. When the Fire CF feels this way, the practitioner may correspondingly feel flat and uninspired when she or he is with them.
A Fire CF described how her emotions could fluctuate in the space of 10 minutes. ‘I can go from feeling fine to not feeling fine and in that time I can change quite fundamentally.’ She described herself as being a ‘mass of contradictions’ in relation to people. She sometimes liked people to be around but sometimes not. ‘I want to choose. I might suddenly want my own space. It can come on suddenly. I can have a house full of people and suddenly I want them to go. I must be hell to live with!’
In order to counteract this feeling of flatness it is not surprising that some Fire CFs continually look for sensation. To do this they may continually search for activities that keep them stimulated and excited. Whatever they do, they may do with great passion but this may later fizzle out as their Fire can’t hold the intensity.
To stimulate their excitement they may watch exciting films, read romantic novels or just live through other people’s lives on TV soaps or other programmes. Alternatively they may enjoy the feeling of falling passionately ‘in love’, but be looking around for a new love interest when the initial excitement disappears. As a result relationships never develop beyond the initial stages.
A Fire CF described going on holiday with her father for 10 days. ‘At the end of the 10 days I felt sluggish, heavy, had toe ache and a sore back. It was no fun. It wasn’t negative, just not positively good. It made me realise how many props I had in everyday life like radio, TV, phoning people and seeing people. When I’m positive I feel more energy, brighter, happier and it’s easier to relate to people and I’m more relaxed. When I’m feeling low I hide behind other people in social situations and need my props more.’
Sometimes Fire CFs succumb to finding excitement and stimulation through drugs, drink or stimulants. The buzz that these give can become addictive. Although any CF has the potential to become dependent on stimulants, the reason for each will differ. For the Fire CF it is often the craving for excitement in order to cover up the underlying state of feeling that life is flat and monotonous.
Creating stability
As they become healthier Fire CFs can usually find ways to help them to retain their stability and stop their emotional lives from seeming like a roller coaster. Some may find that meditation or deep relaxation helps them to find a more comfortable and peaceful place to settle inside. It has been said that ‘meditation is the exercise for the heart’ (Hill, 2000, p. 164) and that to settle and calm the Heart is better than physical exercise for keeping the Fire CF healthy.
Creating good relationships with friends, family or partners can help Fire CFs to retain their stability. When entering a committed relationship the Fire CF may ‘test’ their partner’s love by continuously questioning whether they are really loved or by pushing the partner away for periods of time. A Fire CF who admitted sabotaging her relationships commented, ‘A person has to keep saying they love me, but if they say it too many times I won’t believe it’.
Over time, if the partner proves that they are willing to stay in the relationship, the Fire CF may feel more secure and stable. The Fire CF may, however, never trust that they are truly loveable until they learn to love themselves.
Summary
1 A diagnosis of a Fire CF is made primarily by observation of a lack of red or red facial colour, a lack of laughing or laughing voice tone, a scorched odour and imbalance in the emotion joy.
2 Fire CFs tend to have issues and difficulties with:
• love and warmth
• emotional volatility
• closeness and intimacy
• happiness
• clarity and confusion
3 Because of these issues Fire CFs’ behaviour and responses can become inappropriate and swing between these extremes:
| •compulsively cheerful | –––––––––––– | miserable |
| •open and overly sociable | –––––––––––– | closed and isolated |
| •clowning | –––––––––––– | earnest |
| •vulnerable | –––––––––––– | over-protected |
| •volatile | –––––––––––– | flat |
